Stillness and Illness

Recently I've been making a conscious effort to practise 'stillness'. Not merely the act of being physically still, but more taking a step back; giving yourself a chance to stop and reflect. It might sound very simple but in the hectic and busy lives we lead we very rarely give ourselves the opportunity to be still. I read an interesting quote the other day from someone that quite rightly suggested we should call ourselves 'human doings' rather than human beings, because we tend to define ourselves by what we do, rather than who we are.

Entrepreneur Egg: Sports Bra with Insulating Nipple Pads

I don't generally feel the cold. Even if my hands are starting to lose sensation and my nose is frost-nipped and running uncontrollably, I still have a general feel of warmness about me, so long as I'm engaging in some sort of exercise.

Egg's Top Health and Fitness Tips for 2011

I thought I'd share some pearls of wisdom to help everybody on their way to a happy, healthy 2011. You know it makes sense..

• Think you can get fit by taking the stairs instead of the lift? This is the wrong approach. Take the down escalator to see real fitness gains.

• Stop wondering if you are a pear or an apple and just eat more pears and apples instead.

• If you're at the gym, have a secret competition with the person on the machine next to you. If you're lucky they'll secretly compete back!

• Any time spent on the dance floor can be turned into a workout. Don't be afraid of experimental shape-throwing. If people look at you it's because they're jealous of your fitness.

• Laugh more, make those abs ache!

• When baking cakes, don't use a blender. That way the calories from making the mix should just about even up with the actual eating.

• Get a top to match your trainers, being coordinated always improves performance.

• Finally.. never, EVER miss an opportunity for a good lunge.

Yes, it's a Christmassy fleece onesie...
perfect for lunging.

The Night Before Christmas - rewritten

Twas the night before Christmas, not a soul was awake,

Except me downstairs, I’d snuck down for cake.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with nails,

So much chocolate was in them a pin would have failed.

The rest of the clan were all sleeping tight,

Unaware of the action that would take place this night,

I scoffed down the last little Christmas cake crumb,

And set off to bed with a lovely full tum.

When out on the driveway I heard something whirring,

So I jumped up to see just what was occurring.

I drew back the curtain and peered through the blind,

Excited and nervous at what I might find.

The moonlight shone down and reflected on metal,

I could see a small chap who looked in fine fettle,
It was Santa himself; the jolly young fellow,

But instead of his sleigh he rode a Cervelo!

He stopped right outside on my own garden path,

I saw him bend over and stretch out his calf,
A few aching strides ‘cross the frosted grass floor,

Then in his gel bike gloves he rapped at my door.

No traditional St Nick this was I did meet,

No red suit, no fur, no boots on his feet,
All in lycra he was on this cool Christmas Eve,

Piped with florescence on his legs and his sleeve.

I said “Santa! Come in and sit yourself down”

And he flopped on the chair with a sigh and a frown

“Oh Egg”, he said “I’m knackered and I just need a rest,

“I didn’t plan for my night to be an endurance test!”

“I’ve been trying all year to get fit and keep trim

“I even got all the elves to build me a gym,

“I thought I’d do a triathlon; swim, bike and run

“Now I train all the time, I’m addicted, it’s fun!”

“So we set off tonight, me, the deer and the sleigh,

“And Rudolph’s red nose was leading the way,

“Getting down chimneys was but a breeze,

“With no jelly belly I slid down with ease!”

“But this year with my health at the front of my mind,

“I didn’t eat and drink all the treats I did find,

“I couldn’t face eating all the mince pies and cake,

“I longed for a smoothie or a protein shake!”

“So Dasher Dancer and Prancer had all of the sherry,

“Comet Cupid and Vixen, by gosh were they merry,

“And Donner and Blitzen ate so many mince pies,

“They got drunk and lazy, they just couldn’t fly!”

“I thought very quickly, about the best thing to do

“I chose pedal power, so I grabbed the P2

“I knew I could go fast across mountains and moors,

“But you see Egg, the bike, it was meant to be yours!”

“So I’m sorry, I’ve trashed it, I’ve had punctures galore,

“I’ve slipped on the ice and I’ve crashed on the floor,

“I’ve bent the derailleur and there’s grit in the chain,

“I’ve cycled through blizzards and thick winter rain!”

Delivering presents by bike, well I was impressed,

I could see the poor bloke was trying his best,

“Santa” I said “I know just what you need,

“A toolkit, some tubes and a jolly good feed”

I made a huge meal of pasta which he threw down his trap,

Then I lubed up the bike while he took a short nap,

He awoke full of beans and free of those aches,

So we fixed up the bike with new tyres and brakes.

He got ready to leave but just before he went off,

I gave him some gels and some bars he could scoff,
Then I heard him exclaim, as he rode out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

Xmas Endurance

I have worked hard all year to get fitter and healthier than I've ever been, I've done more exercise than I ever previously thought possible and I've worn a one-piece lycra suit in public. Friends and family are all mightily impressed with what I have achieved and I’m quite chuffed with myself too. I can now swim, I’ve gained a wealth of skills on the mountain bike and the roadie and competed in a couple of triathlons. All that stuff is great, but where I really excel, is at the dinner table.

 I don't care what anyone says, Christmas is an endurance event. Not just the day itself but pretty much the whole month of December. It takes a strong, well-trained gut and vast amounts of willpower to pack away the mountains of mince pies, incalculable units of alcohol, the myriad of multi-course meals, chunks of heavy Christmas cake and chocolate aplenty.

 Tonight I shall be attending my sixth, yes, sixth Christmas meal/celebration. This will be my last one before the main event itself so the plan is to ensure that it is a quality training session. I have already been crowned “Queen of the Table” twice this month and I need to stay on top of the game.

 As soon as I’m there, armed with silverware, the competitive edge comes out. I know I can be better and faster than the rest. Planning is essential; setting off at the right pace and holding back enough so that when the time comes make a move on that last honey-roasted parsnip, you will be ready. Reading your opponents is vital; waiting until they’re mentally weakened and physically fatigued then sweeping in for seconds.

 Fast decision-making and quick, accurate movements are needed. You can establish an early lead over your rivals by selecting the best, crispiest roast potatoes and the most succulent cuts of meat before they’ve even decided whether or not to go with brussel sprouts.


Another consideration is the best way to stay hydrated. My preferred method is to maintain a steady inward flow of anything bubbly, with an occasional shot of something stronger when required.

 Clothing should be comfortable and unrestrictive, and uncompression-wear is best for post-meal recovery (pyjama bottoms are an excellent choice).

 Of course the January recuperation period will be particularly hard, but absolutely worth it for a winning festive season!

6 Months Later

Exactly six months ago I made a decision to ditch my unhealthy ways and try to become a superstar champion of all things healthy. I have tried to embrace healthiness and indulge in all sorts of new activities and eat wholesome, nutritious foodstuff.


I'll go out on a limb here and say that I'm pretty sure I am indeed fitter now than I was 6 months ago. But healthy? Maybe this needs to be more defined. Wordnet says:


"healthiness - good health: the state of being vigorous and free from bodily or mental disease"


As I am currently free from bodily and mental diseases (provided gluttony is neither) I suppose I am healthy. I was definitely being 'vigorous' this morning too in the gym; I'm absolutely thrilled to report that today I have achieved a long-standing goal of mine which is to be able to do proper chin-ups. This may sound a bit small and ridiculous in the grand scheme of things but for me this is a fitness milestone and I am chuffed to bits.


I have learned some important things so far in my healthy quest - so l share my newly discovered wisdom:


1. Contrary to prior belief, it is in fact possible to feel sick after eating too much (I hasten to add that this fact was discovered on a 'happy eating' day, but at least the lesson was learned).


2. It is actually possible to feel full from eating salad.. so long as you have the persistence to eat enough of it.


3. Never wear underwear on a long bike ride, unless you want to be in a world of chafe-related horror for days.


4. Celery is the most brilliant food once you find a way to make it fun.


5. Flashing lights and fluorescence may make you feel like a plonker, but they are absolutely necessary for waking up drivers when it's dark.


6. As soon as you can unwrap a kitkat and eat it whilst riding your bike, that is when you can call yourself a cyclist.


7. Black cows are the most dangerous animal in the New Forest, and probably even in the whole of the UK.


8. Rest IS important and it's okay to have a day when you do absolutely nothing. Just don't ever have 'happy eating' days on these days. 


9. If you DO go out and get trashed, it's possible to remain calorie neutral so long as you dance your socks off.. and don't eat a kebab.


10. No matter how strong your will is, it's impossible to say no when any member of your family wants to have a drink with you. But the laughter that ensues is so exuberant that you could probably write it off as core strength training.


Here's to another six months of being healthy!